When Trust Breaks Down: The Hidden Cost
to Teams, Timelines, and Talent
Part 4 in the Ego vs Trust series
In early-stage teams, trust is everything, and nothing breaks it faster than high-conflict leadership in startups.
It’s the invisible thread that connects people to the mission, to each other, and to their willingness to take risks. But trust doesn’t usually collapse overnight — it frays quietly.
And once it breaks, the cost is bigger than most founders realize.
The Slow Fade of Trust
As we explored in The Ego Trap: When Founders Stop Listening, trust erosion often begins with subtle cues: a product team gets overridden, team feedback is dismissed, outside voices start driving decisions. But what happens when that dynamic isn’t coming from the founder — it’s coming from someone they hired?
That’s when ego turns toxic. And if it’s not dealt with early, it can take the entire team down with it.
The High-Conflict Leader: A Hidden Threat
Psychologist Bill Eddy defines high-conflict leadership in startups by four traits — traits that often appear in surprising places, especially in roles where performance is mistaken for alignment.
- Blame: It’s always someone else’s fault.
- All-or-nothing thinking: They see people as heroes or threats — nothing in between.
- Unmanaged emotion: They blow up in meetings, shut down unexpectedly, or create constant tension.
- Extreme behavior: They push boundaries that 90% of people wouldn’t.
Sound familiar? That’s because many teams have had one. Often in a leadership role. Often too long.
You don’t always recognize the damage at first — they may be “getting results” or “taking charge.” But slowly, you notice:
- People stop speaking up
- Team morale drops
- Turnover creeps in
- Execution gets slower
- The vibe shifts from building → surviving
The Real Cost of Letting It Fester
High-conflict managers don’t just create friction; they erode trust and belief.
People begin to wonder:
Does my voice matter?
Is the mission still worth it?
Does leadership even notice what’s happening?
The longer it lasts, the harder it is to rebuild.
So, what’s the Fix for high-conflict leadership in startups.
Let’s be clear: you can’t coach your way out of a high-conflict personality problem.
Yes, give people feedback. Yes, make room for growth. But if the same patterns keep showing up, blame, fear, avoidance, exits, the answer is almost always the same:
You have to remove them. Cleanly. Quickly. And with conviction.
That’s the only way to reclaim your culture.
Rebuilding Trust After High-Conflict Leadership in Startups
Firing a high-conflict leader is just the start. If you want your team back, you need to do more:
- Acknowledge what happened
Don’t sweep it under the rug. Say it out loud: “We let something go on too long, and it hurt the team. That’s on us. And it stops now.” - Invite honest feedback. One-on-one.
Quietly ask: What made it hard to speak up? What do you need from me now? - Reestablish norms
Get clear about how decisions get made, how people are treated, and how conflict gets addressed. - Show up differently
Not just once. Repeatedly. Through consistency, small wins, and honest conversations.
It’s not about being perfect. It’s about showing your team that this isn’t who you are — and that it won’t happen again.
Final Thoughts on high-conflict leadership in startups
When trust breaks down, the instinct is to move on quickly. But the teams that recover are the ones who stop, listen, and rebuild.
Because startup success doesn’t come from ego. It comes from belief — and belief can’t survive in a culture defined by high-conflict leadership in startups. Trust must come first.
🔗 Further Reading:
- Give Me a Break: Ego vs. Trust in Startup Teams
- The Signals Founders Send (And Don’t Realize)
- The Silent Killer of Leadership – Ramon Velez
- Ego-Driven vs Principle-Driven Leadership – Hagberg Consulting
- How toxic people wage emotional war on others: – Bill Eddy / Big Think Video
- The Price of Incivility – Harvard Business Review